I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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