my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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