why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
