You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
vagina is talking i cant
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
