Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
