Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
