dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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