would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
