He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
