I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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