i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I touched a dick in church today
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
