filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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