I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i think i have herpe
just one?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
