how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
