Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
