Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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