In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
