I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
