I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
