I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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