Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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