all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
it was like eating out sand paper
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
