she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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