I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Randomize
