If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
