so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
