I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
