I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
