laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
