Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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