in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
