But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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