Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
