WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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