Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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