Screwed.edu
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
