I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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