if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
