Acid is not a monday night drug
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My bed is full of blood and feathers
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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