I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
