I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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