I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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