I skipped work to stalk him.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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