I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
