I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
