I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
