im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
