You're a womanizer and a bitch.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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