Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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