I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
